再度醒來,家人親戚都在眼前了,個個都是淚痕猶存,我已                
                                                                              
      自知為了什麼,我要起來繼續寫下來,但醫生制止了。在我苦苦                
                                                                              
      央求下,醫生答應由護士幫我寫,所以這段是護士小姐幫我手錄                
                                                                              
      的。                                                                    
                                                                              
          好希望像文藝悲劇,男主角在女主角臨死前趕來,我多希望                
                                                                              
      你在我垂死之際趕來,但卻已知願終不可達。啊!呼吸越來越難                
                                                                              
      ,或許還有幾分鐘吧!在我嚥下最後一口氣以前,我只剩下最後                
                                                                              
      一個要求:以後常去看我,好嗎?然後題上兩首詩,送給我。『                
                                                                              
      煙花雖然不堪剪,確有詩永結同心。』終於大限已至,但我仍不                
                                                                              
      願跟你說:永‧‧‧‧‧別‧‧‧‧‧了‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧                
                                                                              


發信人: Betty@sexstory (我...咬妳喔...), 信區: emotion
標  題: 轉貼[ 蓉與牧童 ] : 十四                                               
發信站: 情色文學 BBS     (Sun Jul 30 22:51:13 1995)                           
轉信站: sexstory                                                              
                                                                              
      蓉:                                                                    
                                                                              
          妳走了,走得無聲無息。『我有一千個夢,撒在每個莫名的情懷,幻        
                                                                              
      有滅,情有空,歌有終,水有逝,但這夢啊!只有萬古佳釀堪醉其中!』        
                                                                              
      我好不容易,覓來一佳偶共醉美夢,但夢未全,伊人已去!                    
                                                                              
          『寂寞梧桐深院鎖清秋』第一次真正感到這句詞的含義。這個地方,        
                                                                              
      一直是我最喜歡的地方:前有梧桐,後有薔薇,兩三個圓石綴於荒蔓野草        
                                                                              
      中,一棵大榕樹橫亙其中,日光是潑不進來的。本想聯考完,就想和你見        
                                                                              
      面,然後帶你至此地,共飲共舞共吟詩。不料,今日卻是我獨自啜著酒,        
                                                                              
      掉著淚,想著從前你在校園內的倩影。                                      
                                                                              
          妳一直很喜歡笑的,不是嗎?妳們的教室在三樓,我們的教室正好遙        
                                                                              
      對著你們。尚未和你通信時,每次上課,必定帶個望遠鏡,然後和弟兄換        
                                                                              
      得一個靠窗的座位,整節課,就是凝望著妳。妳上課總是專注的多,有時        
                                                                              
      看著黑板,有時便埋首於筆記簿中,髮甩在一旁,斜側著頭,那姿勢好美        
                                                                              
      !至今回憶,猶歷歷在目,你真的走了嗎?我簡直無法相信。拿起啤酒瓶        
                                                                              
      ,才猛然發現,空了,一滴都不剩。                                        
                                                                              
          真後悔要到臺北去,恨自己為何不早日收到妳的信。老是要祈求你的        
                                                                              
      原諒,在我們短短的交往中本來馬上要回高雄的,不料旅居美國的阿姨,        
                                                                              
      偕同表妹回國。母親要我早上、中午用功,晚上便和他們去逛逛街,敘敘        
                                                                              
      感情,表妹又老黏著我,要我教她國文,使我更脫不了身,我也想著妳正        
                                                                              
      值衝刺,讓你靜下心也好,好不容易挨到聯考前一天,才得以回高雄應考        
                                                                              
      ,恰巧妳的信又被管家轉到臺北去了,終於無法與你再相見,莫非上天註        
                                                                              
      定這只是一段永不交流的情嗎?考完後,接到母親急電,說阿姨、表妹要        
                                                                              
      回僑居地,叫我立刻回臺北接機,這一走,竟又錯過了和妳最後一次見面        
                                                                              
      的機會,莫不叫人柔腸寸斷!等到他一走,才得以打開妳的信,一看之下        
                                                                              
      ,全身像電殛一般,心緊懸在半空中,繞著『不可能』、『不可能』‧‧        
                                                                              
      ‧‧‧‧三個字打轉,抱著頹喪之極的心,匆匆趕回高雄,你卻已屍骨冰        
                                                                              
      寒,我求妳的雙親再讓我看一次最後的妳。當顫抖的首掀起白布,天啊!        
                                                                              
      妳那樣純潔、那樣柔情,為何還要遭受如此重的刑罰?輕輕撫摸妳冰冷而        
                                                                              
      無血色的臉龐,依舊那樣秀美,細細地呼喚著妳的名字,多希望妳再度睜        
                                                                              
      開眼,等著我撫掉你睫毛上的淚痕,唉!我豈又值得妳為我掉眼淚?髮一        
                                                                              
      樣是柔順的,只是比我上次見你時長了一些。悲愴的眼淚終於撲撲地掉落        
                                                                              
      在妳臉上,妳為何不再笑語嫣嫣呢?腦海中一直恍惚著:這或許一切是夢        
                                                                              
      ,夢醒了,妳又在我眼前,任我把妳抱在懷裡親吻,更或許妳根本沒有死        
                                                                              
      ,眼前的屍體不是妳、不是妳!我退後、退後、退後,直至『碰』地一聲        
                                                                              
      ,踢倒了妳父母為妳燒的紙錢、我軟倒在地上,讓飄啊飄的灰燼恣意地落        
                                                                              
      在我臉上‧‧‧‧‧                                                      
                                                                              
          為何不再喝了呢?這一瓶是妳的啊!把它喝了,順便慶賀你考上了雄        
                                                                              
      女。哈!哈!哈!妳考上了雄女,不是你心所夙願嗎?考上了亦復何用,        
                                                                              
      不過是讓雄女的報到率又低了一點。也告訴你一件傻事:不負你的期望,        
                                                                              
      我也考上了一間高中,雖然和雄中不可同日而語,但總也算考上了。當在        
                                                                              
      妳墳前考慮了一個下午後,我終於決定去讀了。可笑的是報到要畢業證書,      
                                                                              
      才想起沒有。於是便到教務處要求通融,料不到教務主任卻指著我的鼻子說      
                                                                              
      :國中都唸不畢業,還唸什麼高中?我笑了,仰天長笑!難道這個世界就真      
                                                                              
      的此可笑嗎?或許我該學學那謝遜,大罵一聲:賊老天!在你這僅存的兩個      
                                                                              
      月中,為何不讓我和你去好好地共度歲月呢?雖然我倆未曾謀面,但從信中      
                                                                              
      ,我深深感到彼此的心中存有一種靈契。但可恨的賊老天,把這段最可貴的      
                                                                              
      時光浪費在書卷之中,雖然雙雙達成心願,但妳走了,我也因沒有畢業證書      
                                                                              
      而排於門外,究竟我們是做錯了什麼事嗎?以致遭受到如此大的懲罰?          
                                                                              
          終究是留不住妳的腳步,記得妳是答應過我的。但即使走了,真得連回      
                                                                              
      首和我共飲一杯,也不得行之嗎?又想起最喜歡的一首英文歌:I can     
                                                                              
      wait forever if you say you′ll be      
                                                                              
      there too I can wait forever if         
                                                                              
      you will know its wrote it all To     
                                                                              
      spend my life along write you ....    
                                                                              
      我此刻正如歌中所言,我可以等妳到永遠, 我使終只認為你儘儘去遠遊,終     
                                                                              
      有一日,在那舊情夕陽處,我倆攜手共行的影子,又會被日光拉得長長的‧‧    
                                                                              
      ‧‧‧‧‧                                                              
                                                                              
          你的那瓶酒倒了,被我踢倒的,流得一乾二淨。昨天妳出葬了,也了結我    
                                                                              
      的一樁心願。這幾天妳停棺在家,我總不敢睡,妳的芳魂必又來找我一同出遊    
                                                                              
      ,而那只有徒增醒來後的悲愴罷了。嗚呼。生前汝不得見吾,死後依然不得見    
                                                                              
      吾償願,吾之罪孽何其深也!妳的父母將你葬在一處面海的山地上,四周之鄰    
                                                                              
      雖不多,但儘可俯視海景,無論晴雨,無論黃昏,海總是多角度的,一種角度    
                                                                              
      有一種角度的美,同你一樣。周圍植滿了梧桐,我還特別栽了一朵小桂花在妳    
                                                                              
      墓前,她有一種不惹人慾望的清香,妳也一樣有的。明天我就要走了,到臺北    
                                                                              
      去。既然讀不成高中,留在這個傷心地又復何用?不過,每當梧桐葉落之際,    
                                                                              
      我總會回來看妳的。                                                      
                                                                              
          今天是我留在此地的最後一天了,明一早的國光號,將帶走我的身,卻帶    
                                                                              
      不走我的心。總有許多話想和妳說,卻又都忘了。最後附上一首前人做的香塚    
                                                                              
      詞:浩浩愁,茫茫劫,短歌終,明月缺。鬱鬱佳城,中有碧血。碧亦有時盡,    
                                                                              
      血亦有所滅,一縷香魂無斷絕!是耶非耶,化為蝴蝶。                        
                                                                              
          夕陽沉了,依舊那樣淒美。我把前幾封給妳的信,連同這封,一齊帶到妳    
                                                                              
      的墓前,燒給遙遠的妳。                                                  
                                                                              



發信人: Betty@sexstory (我...咬妳喔...), 信區: emotion
標  題: 轉貼[ 蓉與牧童 ] : END                                                
發信站: 情色文學 BBS     (Sun Jul 30 22:51:14 1995)                           
轉信站: sexstory                                                              
                                                                              
      蓉:                                                                    
                                                                              
          三十年的歲月,像一股輕煙,繚繞在淡淡的悲愁中。三十年來,我始        
                                                                              
      終沒有忘懷妳,我的心沒有變,只是髮已開始蒼白而已。                      
                                                                              
          妳在地底可好?光陰不疾乎?轉眼你也走了三十個年頭了。最後去看        
                                                                              
      妳時,心中便立定決心要創一番大事業。如今,雖稱不上衣錦還鄉,卻也        
                                                                              
      是頗有成就,妳高興嗎?想當年,以我國中學歷之身,求職總是到處碰壁        
                                                                              
      。每當我拿著一張報紙,拎著一罐啤酒,茫茫無目標地漫步在深黑路上,        
                                                                              
      我真想一死了之,追隨妳至九泉底下,但一想到妳誠摯的言語,我總又振        
                                                                              
      作了起來。或許是因緣際會吧!從一個小職員開始,奮鬥了三十年,才算        
                                                                              
      終有小成,總是沒辜負妳了。                                               
                                                  


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